Dress Code: How to survive winter

In October 2008, my husband informed me that he had received a job offer for a position in Des Moines, Iowa. We had been living in Texas for three years, after being relocated there from the New York City area, where we had both grown up. The new job was too good to pass up, and after a few weeks of deliberation, we decided to pack up our three children and move.

Let me state, with absolute certainty, that the year and a half we spent as Iowans was the worst period of my life.

There are many wonderful things about living in Iowa. The people are absolutely lovely. They are down-to-earth, welcoming, and sincerely, genuinely nice. They are the types of people who will let you cut in front of them in line at the grocery store, bring you soup when you're sick, plant extravagant vegetable gardens, and make casseroles for their neighbors. They don't gossip or engage in other types of petty behavior. They are rock-solid, decent, salt-of-the-earth types of people.

However, the weather of Iowa leaves a bit more to be desired. After years spent living through snowy New York months, I felt ready to take on Midwestern winters. Boy, was I wrong. Epically wrong. Trust me when I say that you do not know what cold is until you've lived in Iowa in January. This is a cold that hits you in the face with the force of a thousand knives, a cold that gets deep in your bones and festers. This is a cold that cancels school, that freezes the doors of your car shut.This is a cold that forces you to sleep with a space heater next to your bed, even while snuggled under a pile of down blankets.

I learned a few things about dressing for winter while living with Iowa. Here are some of them:  

• Layering is your friend. Tights under pants or jeans is mandatory if you're walking longer than a block. If you're wearing a dress (brave girl!) you can layer leggings over tights, or wool knee socks over tights with boots. If your office or classroom is warm,  just remove those leggings or socks when you get indoors.

• You will need more than one coat. Start with a long down coat with a hood for time spent outdoors (I know they're fug, but trust me, you won't care when it's 15 degrees out. I also guarantee you won't be the only one sporting this kind of outerwear.) Also invest in a heavy wool coat, such as a peacoat, for when the temperature isn't quite so low. If you have the extra cash, and attend professional or dressy events, a sleek black coat is a good idea too.

• Have many pairs of gloves. Somehow, no matter how close an eye I kept on mine, they'd inevidably get lost. Go to Old Navy or Wal-Mart and buy multiple pairs of their $2 stretchy gloves. Keep a pair in the car, in every coat pocket, and in your purse. Surprisingly, mittens will keep you warmer than gloves. You will look a bit childish, but no one will care. Layer your stretchy gloves under your mittens and you're set.

• Sweaters: Big woolly ones are great, especially in cardigan form. Layer them over a thermal and a buttondown and you're set. However, if you don't have the space or money to invest in them, thinner sweaters can be practical too. Cashmere is super-warm, thin enough for the office and easy to layer. Also, it's not the investment it once was. Thin merino wool is a good alternative too.

• Think your cute little ankle boots and oxfords will cut it? Wrong. You will think you can walk the couple of blocks to dinner in the snow, but then your feet will go completely numb and you will have to go to the bathroom and pour hot water all over them in order to reassure yourself that you don't have frostbite. Nope, you need some lined boots that are at least somewhat waterproof, because you will be walking through snow and if you are just wearing sneakers or leather boots, it's like your feet are IN THE SNOW.

• Besides snowboots, you're probably going to want another pair of tall boots you can wear to class or the office, and on non-snowy days with your woolly tights and maybe a pair of heavy socks. The heel height is up to you (although a lower heel is much safer when it's icy), but a pair wide enough to fit over jeans makes a big difference. In a cold climate, you'll live in your boots. I've found mine on eBay, Marshall's, and on sale at shoes.com. Consider having them waterproofed (especially if they're Uggs, or Ugg-types...they look cozy but are less so with snow and slush soaking through. Ugg boots are NOT waterproof. NOT AT ALL. Seriously, don't even try. You will regret it. If there isn't rubber around the foot, not just the sole, it is probably not waterproof. They are really good slippers though)

• Scarves are essential. You want thick, heavy ones for the cold when the wind is blowing so hard that your eyes tear up. Thinner fleece, merino and wool-blend scarves come in a huge variety of prints and colors. For a more polished look, coordinate your scarves to your gloves.

• FLANNEL. Seriously. Flannel shirt unbuttoned enough to show your cleavage tucked into a nice skirt with tights, boots and a sparkly necklace. It's festive, chic and WARM.

• Warm socks are necessary. American Apparel makes thigh-high socks that are the bomb. Department stores like Nordstrom sell cashmere blend socks that are extremely warm too, and you can often find them on sale. You'll also want at least a few pairs of heavy wool socks - long enough to pull up over tights and leave no room for cold to get in. 

Winter in most parts of the country sucks. You won't look cute. Get over it. But you know what? On those bitter days, there's a sense of community that you may not find during other seasons. Everyone feels your pain, everyone understands...we're all just trying to stay warm, and get where we need to go. It's funny, people are often nicer. Probably because they are too freezing to put up a fight :-)

Do you have any tips on dressing for winter? How to you stay fashionable and warm?

Men: What to wear this winter

It seems that lately, EVERYWHERE I look, I see men dressing badly. Single guys, I can (somewhat) excuse. I mean, there's nobody advising them what to wear when they pick out that morning's outfit. Sadly, these single men also seem to live in a dank cave without access to Esquire/GQ/Maxim/any other men's magazine that includes a what-to-wear feature. I also wonder...don't these unfortunate urchins own a mirror? Do they care at all, or are they simply lazy? OR, are these guys completely oblivious to the similarly unflattering looks worn by their gender? I am largely influenced by what other women are wearing. For example, if I see a cool, flattering outfit on another chick, I mentally catalog it and attempt to recreate the look. I'll put my own twist on it and make it my own, but I can't deny that I'm affected by trends and fashionable women.

In the summertime, men challenged by fashion often wear the following uniform: jean shorts, either hemmed or chopped violently from an old, ill-fitting pair of jeans (ick), a faded oversized golf shirt without a pressed collar or a hole-ridden, oversized tee, and either sneakers without socks or mangled flip flops. Sometimes sweat shorts are involved. Fellas, this is not an attractive look. Typically, this outfit is accessorized with a beer gut and flat ass. Sexy! Occasionally, a short-sleeved button-down is involved. I hate those shirts, but that's just me. Hmmm. Allow me to specify: A silk camp shirt and cargo shorts, hot. A poly-cotton plaid with an unpressed collar, not.

In the fall, these poor souls change into pleated chinos, a wrinkled button-down from 1993 or a hooded sweatshirt, and white sneakers with black socks or scuffed tasseled loafers. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy.

Now that winter is firmly here, I would like to offer the following suggestions to men regarding what to wear in the cooler months.

• No. Stonewash. Jeans. Ever. Seriously, dark jeans all the way, in a slightly slimmer cut. They hold up longer (even when they fade a little bit) and immediately make you look like you know how to dress yourself, at least a little. Also, if the jeans are too long, for the love of all that is good in the world, have them hemmed. Jeans that pool up around the ankles look terrible.

• Pleated pants are the devil's handiwork. NO PLEATED PANTS. A flat front chino (in grey, navy, camel) or wool slack, on the other hand, is slimming, polished and simple. Dress 'em up or down - they're always a win.

• Just remember this: no woman will ever want to be with the dude in sweat socks and Tevas/Birkenstocks. Keep the sandals to summer. And, while we're on the subject, no Tevas EVER.

• Grooming is important. An unkempt beard that could nest small furry creatures is gross. I don't know when beards came back into fashion - they seem to the the goatees of the 2010's. However, avoid being excessively groomed. I prefer my men a bit more relaxed. Stubble is sexy. Cro-Magnon facial hair is not.

• You need your own suit, something that fits well (I prefer a slim fit) and makes you look and feel like a million bucks. I'd go with gray or black, not navy. Wool only. No polyester blends. As far as a tie: Slim ones, in muted patterns, elongate the chest. On the other hand, a fat tie with a bad-ass knot works too as long as it isn't too loud. Just dress like Don Draper, anywhere, anytime, even at the gym. You'll look ridiculous, but impeccable.

• You can't go wrong with slim-fitting cotton, linen or other natural-fiber button-down shirts (white, blue, gray, black, etc.) Just make sure they don't have weird embroidery or epaulets on the shoulders or anything. And long sleeves only. You can roll them up to show off your manly forearms if it gets warm.

• No Ed Hardy, Affliction, or other tattoo-inspired clothes. End of discussion.

• Also, gym clothes belong at the gym. Sweat shorts, tee shirts, sweat socks and (most) sneakers should remain in the confines of the locker room or running path. I applaud you for working out. But your body-odor scented outfit in the deli is vile.

• A classic leather jacket, fitted but not tight. No pimp coats or anything with tons of pockets and zippers.

• Some sort of bag besides a backpack. A plain leather messenger bag in black or brown leather works fine.

• Shoes: Chuck Taylors, any color. Suede dessert boots. Simple, flat heeled boots. Unadorned polished leather shoes. Dark brown or black are more versatile than saddle or cordovan.

• I'm personally a fan of the chambray/denim shirt on men. It looks rugged and autumn-appropriate. It doesn't hurt that Jon Hamm and Sam Worthington both look devastatingly handsome in them either.

• A dark green army jacket, without much embellishment (such as zippers or grommets) or too much bulk. Simple, masculine, comfortable and chic. Swap for a substantial navy peacoat in colder weather - as long as it's made from a non-piling fabric and is somewhat fitted, it'll work.

• Sweaters can be sexy. V-necks in thin cotton or merino wool are good. Chunky, half-zip sweaters are very attractive.

• Scarves! Trust me, men can wear them and not look all creeptastic daytime-wear-for-weird-discotheque-guy. Keep them somewhat short. No fringe, obnoxious patterns, or floor-draggers. No suffocatingly chunky knits either.

• Hats: baseball caps belong on frat boys, dudes at baseball games, and Little League coaches. Cowboy hats belong on...cowboys. Driver caps and fedoras work. Personally, I dig a man in a tweed or canvas drivers cap.

So there you have it.